Tuesday, 11 December 2018

11TH: ON CHRISTMAS AND BEING SINGLE


If I'm honest, Christmas is the second occasion that made me so aware I was single back in the day. First is Valentine's day. Take it from someone who spent most of her 20's being single.  It is not an altogether bad thing but I'd be a hypocrite if I say I did not feel a sting of me being unhitched especially in my late 20's. You see, I came from a happy home and I did not feel a sudden urge to have a special someone. When girls at my uni were talking about dating guys, I am thinking on what food to eat for dessert (nothing much has changed now, to be fair). I feel loved and validated plus I am a kid and homebody at heart. However, I guess it's human nature to long for someone to be with more so during festive times like Christmas.


So, how to deal during this seemingly endless single awareness season?

1. Feel the feels. There's no point in canning your emotions so set aside a day or two to feel it anyway! It won't be easy but processing your issues head on is a road to freedom. It is cathartic. Cry if you must, binge watch if you like, eat ice cream if you crave for it, talk to someone you trust, release it.  There's one thing I encourage you to do after all these though: make a firm resolve to not let singleness define you and move forward because there's so much more to life than sulking. And let's be real, you need to go out more if you really want to have a partner. I am not being funny but chances are slim when it's only the security guards, Deliveroo guys and mailman that you meet on a normal basis. I don't mean any harm but you know what I'm saying, right?

2. Try something new. In short, have a healthy distraction to keep your mind off being sad. There, I've said it quite bluntly. Sometimes, when you're busy doing things, this will lead to new friendships or relationships even. However, manage your expectations. Though you know your end game, you are setting yourself up for disappointments if you view each activity as a means of finding a partner. I remember I did try yoga once and all I can say is it's hard to have a drama when you're doing a warrior pose. Also, I felt so refreshed from sweating and so sleepy that I had the best sleep of my life. What's not to love? Related post HERE.

3. Rid yourself of people and things that make you feel miserable. It's very hard to be positive when there's an incessant reminder that you are not enough. Unfollow people and brands from social media, if you must. You have to prioritise your mental wellbeing and if that means removing them out of your feeds, then by all means do it.

4. Enjoy your friends and family. It is a cliche but it's effective. During those times that I felt alone, I usually ask my loved ones to have a spa day or shop with me. I am all for minimalism but hey, if shopping is your emotional crutch, then let me be the first to tell you: go for it! I'd be happy to have you alive with loads of stuff than suicidal because you're holding back!

5. Know this: There is life before, during and {even} after a romantic relationship. You have made it this far in life and do not let anybody (including yourself) think that you are missing out on everything just because you are single. Your relationship status is but one of the many amazing things about you. And with all things in life, this is temporary. Keep the faith, be your best self and carry on. You owe it to yourself to be happy - regardless of your status in life. -CMK
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2 comments

  1. "Make a firm resolve to not let singleness define you" Amen to this.
    For me what helped lessen 'that' feeling during this time of the year is going to Simbang Gabi and just offering it all up to God. I find joy in seeing everyone so happy, feeling the festive atmosphere, and just thanking the Little Baby in the manger for everything :)

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    Replies
    1. This is a really good one Jacqueline! Thanks for sharing your thoughts! :)

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